first thing is always first

every single morning of my life, that i can remember, i wake with a song in my head. and its blasting. even if i cant remember all of the words, i work through the guitar solos, and all. if i rise alone, its usually to find whatever sound producing object that can produce said song at the highest possible decible (most often my headphones), and listen to it on repeat until ive had my fill. most likely, my fix wont be met, and im stuck with the same song on repeat for like 2 fucking weeks. couple day break, when i find a rebound song. then back to the same bag 'o' dope.

ive had this conversation with beth before. she might be the only other person i know who obsesses over songs like i do. i mean, sure, i buy whole albums and stuff...but its all about the hits. just play the fucking hits! when i was a kid, i bought single cassettes. single summer jammers to compile whatever mix tape that my walkman would play until it ate it. ugh. that was always the pits...but i digress...

as cliche as this sounds, i dont know what the fuck i would do without music. without the hits that compile the soundtrack of my life. there is no other sense in my body that produces more sensory overload, than that of the aural persuasion. i smell a certain thing or two every once in a while that conjures some ping of nostalgia, but nothing takes me there like that melody that got me off of the bathroom floor when i was 16. nothing takes me farther into my idea of utopia, or the future, than the sounds of explosions in the sky. nothing makes me feel more hopeful than the buzzcocks reminding me to believe in the workers revolution. nothing makes me feel more OG, than some dj quick. nothing can make me feel more hyped and mad smart, than the wu tang clan. and nothing can make me feel like a bigger nastier pimp, than some good ole r fucking kelly. perhaps some tricky beats i used to fuck to? i mean c'mon...this list could go on forever...

as unhealthy as my lust for music feels, i try not to feel too guilty about it. i semi battle with this whole attachment to things. trying to pick and choose which things i choose to grasp to. buying a single online, feels better than buying a $600 pair of shoes. this is how i justify it. sounds crazy, but i really really do battle with this. my addiction to things physical. instant gratification. something i can hold.

i cant hold music. it holds me. i love it. so hard. its the only thing that never leaves. it has been my brother, mother, father, counselor and biggest devils advocate. not to mention, inspiration.

we are born alone, we die alone.

i take comfort

in

my

head

phones.

they

save my

life.

stay tuned...

ill be here...