JUNTOS.

im helping louis do his kickstarter video, so i had to learn how to use imovie real quick. used some footage from mexico to learn with this afternoon, and this is what came of it. hey, its summer time in the city...bob marley is on the rotation. im no coen brother, just though id share. i never take pictures or have visual things. dont say i never showed ya nothing.

the vast majority of this footage is shot on the flip in the zocalo of d.f. aka mexico city. there have been people living in protest there for decades. yeah, living in protest. imagine that.

enjoi.

thanks for watching.

dos lados

although today is a new day, i still wake up with the same feeling. i wonder if there ever was a time where i didnt. like, as a child, did i get some reprieve? i cant really remember...

its rooted in my guts, this semi-feeling of despair mixed with numb. every morning i feel like i have to reinvent. find a brand new source of inpiration. as if a phantom enters me in the night and strips me of all my emotions. all of my seratonin.

when i go out into the world everyday, i see the faces of strangers and i feel like an open book, channeling all of their woes. its as if life has given me the capacity to feel, but forgot to supply me with a shield. the line between me and them becomes foggy, and by the time i feel the weight, my shoulders are already shaking.

my head reaches its pillow and its mind races with the potential daily lessons. values gained. morals to be changed. the vessle plays an almost stop-motion style slide show of the days news. with all of this activity, my filter seems to clog...as if my brain is processing too much data, and causes a backfire in synapsis. overall, there are tokens of progress; but its always as if, no matter what, theres a thin sedement afloat on the surface of my gene pool.

the process repeats itself, and i rise with my net to skim the precious remnants of unwanted process. the pullpy mess is gathered, tossed into my inner compost, and i feel almost ready to deal with the world again. i install a new filter, and without a doubt, enter the battlefield sans shield once again.

of the things we learn, what of it all is chosen, and what is the driving factor of choice? do we really pick and choose, or are we all born shieldless? do we pick our individual battles, or are we all just fighting the same war against lifes choice of a face? are there really enemies, or are we all just in love with eachother, but too afraid to admit it?

the EZLN, and me. this is where im at...

the zapatista movement is the realest shit happening in this whole wide world. its present. its live. its growing and it is in your backyard...

i could bore you with the history, or maybe you already know? if you dont, at least wikipedia that shit, homie.

there is no other revolution happening like this in the whole wide world. im not saying that pockets of revolution dont exist from squat to squat...im saying they dont exist like this. i find it funny when feminist zines quote mao in all his so called glorious statements about women and their role in revlution. sure, he thought they were important, because it was another body producing to feed an army...but in reality, dude was a prick. he made his wife leave behind every child (but one) she ever had, in whatever remote village they happened to be in. he never saw any of them either. hence, the funny part.

the zapatistas support a revolution where women are equal. not because they can produce, but just because of the simple fact that women are equal. again, i dont want to bore you, but you really should look into it. pretty progressive shit for some indiginos, no?

something else really cool? yes, there are armed zapatistas, but many carry woden faux guns. symbolism. but peaceful. can you imagine us troops choosing to carry fake carved woden guns next to other soldiers with AK´s n shit? naw, dude. never that.

its so hard for me to exist within the emotional throws (throes?) of the capitalist system. there is no way to avoid it. it seems in my life anymore, that it is boiling down to the day to day struggles i chose to take on within this system that i am intertwined in. i feel like that weird friend of everybodys that nobody wants to listen to anymore, because everything feels like there has some kind of political agenda behind it. i cant help it...we have a right to justice, as humans, and we have the right to be left the fuck alone.

anyways...i came accross this video, and this isnt even the tip of the iceburg. iceberg? fuck, i need to write more. type more?

"como campesinos sin tierra...

estan mis manos sin tu cuerpo"
-estuardo alvarez-

"para el amor no hay cielo, amor, solo este dia"
-rosario castellanos-

"quando creiamos que teniamos todas las respuestas, de pronto, cambian todas las preguntas"
-mario benedetti-

"los que no nacieron para ver los suenos, no los ven ni de noche ni de dia"
-giocanda belli-

"y miren lo que son las cosas,
para que nos vieran no tapamos el rostro;
para que nos nombraran no negamos el nombre;
apostamos el presente para tener futuro;
y para vivir...morimos."
-subcomandante insurgente marcos-

just a few quotes i have come accross while in san cristobal. if you cant read them, translate them...it might be more rewarding!

Atmosphere - Pour Me Another

swerving through the galaxy, searching for a family...

Portishead - Roseland NY Live - Half Day Closing

reduse, reuse, recycle?

imagine if everything were as it seemed to be. but, could it ever be as it "seems"? as it seems, seems really, a matter of perspective. and, what is perspective?

perspective...it is as something relates to the eye. but whose eye? the beholder's, of course.

the eye of the beholder, or the things that we behold, can only be processed in our minds through our own perspective. through our own experience. that experience is filtered through the past, present and future within seconds, and blah, out comes your reaction.

expectations are personal set ups. set ups for disaster. as hard as i try, expectations are one of the hardest things for me to shake. this trip is proving a good ground for testing my expectations. or, the obliteration of them, at least. its working. i dunno how, but it is. mindfulness is serving as the best medicine.

so what is the best medicine for letting go? how do you really "let go" of people, or things, that you love? when you are somebody that has spent their whole life "letting go" of people that they love, it proves almost debilitating. letting go, always feels like some kind of joke...it almost feels funny. in one respect, you are supposed to be letting go of everything that you feel is good, but on the other hand you are just trying to maintain some kind of peace. it feels like the ultimate FUCK YOU, delivered by the back hand of life...but i guess this too, is a matter of perspective. or maybe not perspective, as much as a process in itself that requires perspective.

san cristobal, has proved to be an exact replica of what i wold think a "home away from home", would be. when we found out that we would not be able to make it into cuba, this was most definately the place to land. none of this trip was a coincidence, its just a matter of processing and developing my perspective. sitting in my own head, without distractions, is bearing more fruit than i know what to do with. i feel like i have a basket full of delicious apples that need to be eaten before they rot, but my tummy is full...

first thing is always first

every single morning of my life, that i can remember, i wake with a song in my head. and its blasting. even if i cant remember all of the words, i work through the guitar solos, and all. if i rise alone, its usually to find whatever sound producing object that can produce said song at the highest possible decible (most often my headphones), and listen to it on repeat until ive had my fill. most likely, my fix wont be met, and im stuck with the same song on repeat for like 2 fucking weeks. couple day break, when i find a rebound song. then back to the same bag 'o' dope.

ive had this conversation with beth before. she might be the only other person i know who obsesses over songs like i do. i mean, sure, i buy whole albums and stuff...but its all about the hits. just play the fucking hits! when i was a kid, i bought single cassettes. single summer jammers to compile whatever mix tape that my walkman would play until it ate it. ugh. that was always the pits...but i digress...

as cliche as this sounds, i dont know what the fuck i would do without music. without the hits that compile the soundtrack of my life. there is no other sense in my body that produces more sensory overload, than that of the aural persuasion. i smell a certain thing or two every once in a while that conjures some ping of nostalgia, but nothing takes me there like that melody that got me off of the bathroom floor when i was 16. nothing takes me farther into my idea of utopia, or the future, than the sounds of explosions in the sky. nothing makes me feel more hopeful than the buzzcocks reminding me to believe in the workers revolution. nothing makes me feel more OG, than some dj quick. nothing can make me feel more hyped and mad smart, than the wu tang clan. and nothing can make me feel like a bigger nastier pimp, than some good ole r fucking kelly. perhaps some tricky beats i used to fuck to? i mean c'mon...this list could go on forever...

as unhealthy as my lust for music feels, i try not to feel too guilty about it. i semi battle with this whole attachment to things. trying to pick and choose which things i choose to grasp to. buying a single online, feels better than buying a $600 pair of shoes. this is how i justify it. sounds crazy, but i really really do battle with this. my addiction to things physical. instant gratification. something i can hold.

i cant hold music. it holds me. i love it. so hard. its the only thing that never leaves. it has been my brother, mother, father, counselor and biggest devils advocate. not to mention, inspiration.

we are born alone, we die alone.

i take comfort

in

my

head

phones.

they

save my

life.

stay tuned...

ill be here...